AGLOCO: The Internet's First Economic Network
Today’s hottest Internet businesses are all about the power of social networks. Companies like MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube have become worth billions because businesses have realized that these social networks are generating huge advertising and marketing opportunities. As these social networks grow, the economic potential for its owners – and the advertisers who target the site’s users – is remarkable.
At AGLOCO, we asked a simple question: The users created the community, where’s their share of the profit?
It was from this question that AGLOCO set out to create the Internet’s first Economic Network, harnessing the power of Internet-based social networks to directly benefit the Members who help to create the community.
Becoming a member of AGLOCO is as simple as completing a brief sign-up page (name, age, location and email address.). Once you’re a Member, you will be asked to then download the Viewbar™ software. (Note: the Viewbar™ software is currently unavailable, as it is in closed testing. It will be ready for public download in a few weeks, and members will be notified when it is available.)
AGLOCO makes money for its Members in many ways:
Search: Every time you use the Viewbar™ to do an Internet search, AGLOCO earns money from the search engine providers. (For example, Google pays as much as $0.10 on average for each search that is directed to its search engine.)
Advertising: The Viewbar™ itself displays ads that are targeted based upon the websites you’re visiting. When you click on an ad and make a purchase, AGLOCO receives a referral fee, which we pass on to our Members. (Please note: Individual members do not receive any compensation for clicking on ads in the Viewbar™, and the Viewbar™ can detect if someone is clicking ads in a fraudulent manner.)
Transaction commissions: Many major retailers pay commissions when you refer customers who make a purchase. AGLOCO collects that commission and passes it on to our members. (For example, Amazon pays an 8.5% commission to most websites who refer customers, and has cut deals for even larger percentages. The bigger the AGLOCO community, the better commission we can negotiate for our Members.)
Software distribution: Numerous software companies pay websites to encourage the download of new software releases (for example, Adobe’s Flash and Acrobat Reader software), and trial versions of new programs. AGLOCO members not only get access to the latest and coolest software, they get paid for it.
Service distribution: Many online service providers will look to the AGLOCO community as a source of new and active users for their services. (For example, eBay, Skype, and PayPal, among others, all pay fees to people who help them recruit new active users to their services)
Product distribution: When Members agree to use a product, such as cell phones, high-tech gadgets, office supplies, new credit cards or financial services, AGLOCO can collect referral fees. Some companies even offer special rebate and cash-back programs.
AGLOCO Members make money in four ways.
Members earn a monthly share of the AGLOCO revenue based on the use of the AGLOCO Viewbar™ that month.
Members earn part of the company based on the use of the AGLOCO Viewbar™ that month (currently a maximum of five hours are rewarded). See Below for details.
Members who use our referral system to help build the AGLOCO network will earn more. (AGLOCO only has significant value as a large network and people who help build it should be rewarded. – We also feel that the early users who told friends about YouTube or MySpace or even Google probably deserved something too, but no referral system was available to record their work).
Members will also get a share of any commissions AGLOCO gets when a Member purchases a product or service from an AGLOCO Sponsor company.
Why should I join now?
First, it costs nothing to Join and takes less than one minute.
Second, you can help build the AGLOCO community by recruiting new Members TODAY.
Right now, inviting your friends to join AGLOCO is as easy and productive as it will ever be – but you need to invite your friends before someone else beats you to them.
Remember, the bigger the AGLOCO community, the more attractive AGLOCO is to potential business partners and advertisers.
Recruit your friends and family by contacting them through email. (But remember we have a strict anti-spam policy.)
Use your blog and your existing social networks, such as MySpace and Facebook, to contact your friends and encourage them to join a new community that will actually let them earn money.
Be a part of the Internet’s first Member-Owned Economic Community.
Join AGLOCO - Own the Internet!
JOIN: www.agloco.com/r/BBDN6861
HOW WE ARE PAID
Earn Shares in the Company
You accumulate hours in your account for your use of the Viewbar™ software, up to the maximum monthly hours (which is country-specific). These hours can be convertible into shares of AGLOCO™ stock See below the country specific restrictions on conversion. You can also accumulate hours in your account for the usage of Viewbar™ by your direct referrals and extended referrals. You become eligible for the shares when your account reaches your country's minimum payout limit.
See the current listing for hourly rates, hours and minimum payout limits on the Global Earnings Table.
As a new company, AGLOCO™ is a private company that is not traded on any stock exchange. We are exploring public offerings of the stock on various major global stock exchanges as a means to facilitate the issuance of shares to Members.
Country Specific Restrictions
Currently AGLOCO™ is open for Membership to anyone worldwide. However, due to different regulatory requirements in each country, it may become necessary for AGLOCO™ to restrict certain countries from Viewbar™ downloads or Viewbar™ use.
In some countries, for Member participation, AGLOCO™ may have to qualify for share issuance prior to offering shares to Members. In all countries prior to share issuance, Members' hours will be accrued and shares will be issued when the AGLOCO™ board of directors approves them.
Some countries may be too small or legal requirements too complicated, for shares to be issued to Members in that country. (As a Member owned company it may not be prudent to incur the excess expenses for all Members, just to distribute shares in the countries so affected). In this case, AGLOCO™ reserves the right to exchange hours for cash, once there is a public market for AGLOCO™ stock.
Earn Cash
As AGLOCO™ grows and the company generates positive cash flow, we will be distributing the excess cash to Members and shareholders of the company. In addition, Members can earn cash directly in their accounts for certain transactions with AGLOCO™ sponsor sites.
Remember, the company is 100% owned by the Members, so we will put the cash to work to best reward the Member/shareholders of the company. The cash will be used for payouts based on hourly Viewbar™ usage, cash dividends to Member / shareholders and/or share buybacks of the company's shares.
Members Do Not Earn Hours / Shares / Cash for:
Signing up as a new member.
Referring new members who do not become active members.
Clicking on ads. There is no incentive or requirement to click on ads.
Changing your online behavior in any way. Just download the Viewbar™ software and use the Internet how you always have.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Another Idea
Ok, though I usually am talking about home business ideas on my other blog "Time Well Spent", I use that more as a site to educate you on what and how to do the different business and what one's to stay away from. In my last entry here I talked about my two sites (see last entry)which are free to join. Absolutely positively free to join. And they are absolutely great programs. I want to add another one to that.
The reason I add this program is for very simply reasons, it is free and it is loaded with free ways to market, and places to go for free to join networking groups. I can not stress the importance of networking. Finding people that are like you in the fact that they have thier own businesses or are starting one, and they share ideas on how to make it work for you. They offer help, they offer advice. It's wonderful. Just when I was ready to rethink internet business I got a phone call from the gentleman that works this program. And even though at the time I was not supporting his program he helped me. He offered me links and explained what to do, not just with his program, but with ANY program you decide to do. And that phone call right there turned me around and revamped my excitement about branching out and making money online.
The site to check out is http://www.profitwildfire.com/jenwise
It is free, and it could help you turn your life around and get your business where you think it should be.
I also want to give you the link to the networking site, which is also free. I make nothing off you going there and signing up, it's free. I joined the free program purposely for the info and not the money. I highly recommend going and using it to your benefit. Anyway that link is: http://www.directmatches.com/jenwise
If you go through my site for Profit Wildfire it will take you through all the needed links to promote your program/business. If you would rather just find other people like you and start networking just use the second link. It is worth your time, and time is all it will cost you.
Best of luck to you all! And THANK YOU for checking in today!
The reason I add this program is for very simply reasons, it is free and it is loaded with free ways to market, and places to go for free to join networking groups. I can not stress the importance of networking. Finding people that are like you in the fact that they have thier own businesses or are starting one, and they share ideas on how to make it work for you. They offer help, they offer advice. It's wonderful. Just when I was ready to rethink internet business I got a phone call from the gentleman that works this program. And even though at the time I was not supporting his program he helped me. He offered me links and explained what to do, not just with his program, but with ANY program you decide to do. And that phone call right there turned me around and revamped my excitement about branching out and making money online.
The site to check out is http://www.profitwildfire.com/jenwise
It is free, and it could help you turn your life around and get your business where you think it should be.
I also want to give you the link to the networking site, which is also free. I make nothing off you going there and signing up, it's free. I joined the free program purposely for the info and not the money. I highly recommend going and using it to your benefit. Anyway that link is: http://www.directmatches.com/jenwise
If you go through my site for Profit Wildfire it will take you through all the needed links to promote your program/business. If you would rather just find other people like you and start networking just use the second link. It is worth your time, and time is all it will cost you.
Best of luck to you all! And THANK YOU for checking in today!
Labels:
help,
Home Based Working,
internet business,
money
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Make Money
We are all looking for ways to make money. And we are all looking for ways to do it and it not have it cost us a fortune.
Well, I have two places that I want you to check out. The first one is COMPLETELY free! You make money off what you do everyday. That website is:
http://www.mypowermall.com/Biz/Home/2641
It is possible to make enough money and not do anything and be able to be at home with your family or do what ever you want!
The other place I want you to check out is free. But there are other programs to join with it that are not free. You do not have to join these other sites to make money, but they help to increase your profits. They aren’t expensive, and they have a 30 day money back guarantee. Again a great way to make money! And it is fairly easy!
http://www.3StepSecret.com/jenannshak
The Power Mall is fairly new, but amazing. The 3 Step Secret has been around for a while and has been duplicated successfully by many people out there to make very good money. Neither are scams, they are for real!
It is to your benefit to check them out!
Well, I have two places that I want you to check out. The first one is COMPLETELY free! You make money off what you do everyday. That website is:
http://www.mypowermall.com/Biz/Home/2641
It is possible to make enough money and not do anything and be able to be at home with your family or do what ever you want!
The other place I want you to check out is free. But there are other programs to join with it that are not free. You do not have to join these other sites to make money, but they help to increase your profits. They aren’t expensive, and they have a 30 day money back guarantee. Again a great way to make money! And it is fairly easy!
http://www.3StepSecret.com/jenannshak
The Power Mall is fairly new, but amazing. The 3 Step Secret has been around for a while and has been duplicated successfully by many people out there to make very good money. Neither are scams, they are for real!
It is to your benefit to check them out!
Monday, April 16, 2007
Simple Joy
I had to write about my weekend. I was awake most of the night thinking about exactly what to say and why... so that it appeared organized. Sorry, didn't have much success with that.
This weekend was a simple joy. I was able to spend it with my 12 year old daughter. Just the two of us, because my husband and son were out on a dad/son campout with thier "tribe".
I was most impressed to begin with by how excited my daughter was for the weekend. She is twelve and I don't really think that spending a weekend with your mom is something that you get excited about at that age. I am thankful though... she is not a typical 12 year old and well, typical is something I have never been.
She couldn't get them out of the house quick enough. Now, I fully expected this to be a weekend of Orlando Bloom movies, as that he decorates her walls and her dad isn't found of Lord of the Rings, and he can only take so much of the Pirates. So I was prepared. But what did she want to watch? The DaVinci Code... yes, my 12 year old. I had already seen it with my husband, there really wasn't anything in the movie that we would object to her seeing, so I put it in.
This lead to a very indepth conversation about God, religion and whether or not I believed the DaVinci Code. Well, to spare you my beliefs and spirituality I asked her what she thought. My children were both baptized catholic, and not at birth. I am not catholic... you can't even call me christian. But I was at a point in my life, where I felt lost. I had walked away from what I had been believing for reasons that I won't go into and decided to try the way most people think you should be... catholic, church, confession and such. I was looking for answers, and I felt it important for my children to have a better basis then I did as a child to start thier journey. Hence they were baptized at 2 and 5.
In the beginning church and prayer was VERY important to my daughter, I am sure that she condemned me to hell every time we missed church. It was very important to her, and I was supportive. On that journey I realized that what I had believe my whole life was actually what I believed and I couldn't buy into organized religion. I tried, I read the Bible, entirely, took classes, I tried... it isn't for me. But I didn't stop going because my daughter was still involved and it was important to her.
That lasted until she was in third fourth grade and the new preacher that came to her school and our church told her, as well as the school, that Muslims were killing Catholics and that they were bad people. My daughter came home in tears, her dad is Muslim, from Pakistan... why would her preacher tell her that. I am thankful that the day she came home upset, her dad was on a business trip and wasn't there. So it lead to a long talk between her and I, and my going to the prinicipal the next day.
I just want to interject that my son was never fond of church and has no desire to go. He is more interested in going to prayer with his dad.
Anyway, after this talk this weekend with my daughter I asked her what she believed. She didn't know, and she didn't know what to do. So I told her to read. Read the Bible, read about Islam, read about Hinduism and such. Read about every religion that she has questions about and figure out what she believes in and why. I will guide her, and her dad told her the same thing this weekend when he came home and she wanted to have the conversation with him. But it had to be her journey, we were only guidepost, and that the best thing for her to do was educate herself. She wants to start with reading the DaVinci Code. I told her that she needed to understand that it was looked at as a book of fiction by most... but if that was were she wanted to start, then she could.
Of course she asked me if I thought it was a book of fiction, and I said this, "The story of the characters are just that, a story, but I believe the basis for it."
The rest of the weekend she did girlie, 12 year old stuff. Shopping... we spent HOURS, yes HOURS in the malls here. We have two very large inside malls here in Dayton, and we went through one, we had to drive to the other. Had it not been cold and rainy I am sure that I would've entertained her at the outside mall called The Greene, whic is my favorite if I have to have one, the hae an amazing bookstore there.
I think she told me how awesome I was about 15 times, which made me laugh. I bought her a book, and Bertie Bots, she is a Harry Potter fan... she is slightly obessed, she shopped for shoes, and movie star sun glasses, she had to have the chocolate dipped strawberries at the chocolate shop. We lived on popcorn and pretzels all weekend, (yes I know), she got hooked on the TV show The Unit, we rented the DVDs because I was missing something and now she is hooked.
But the simple joy I had of getting to know my daughter. We have always had a good relationship and I thought we were close anyway, but rebonding with her this weekend was priceless. She is 12 and I know my time with her where she wants to be with me is limited, and I am not looking forward to the time that she gives me the "Do I Have to.." when I tell her that she and I are together for the weekend again.
I hope it is far away... I hope that she knows how much I love her and how amazing she is to me.
Enjoy your children, get to know them for who they are... not who you think they are.. you might be surprised and what you find.
This weekend was a simple joy. I was able to spend it with my 12 year old daughter. Just the two of us, because my husband and son were out on a dad/son campout with thier "tribe".
I was most impressed to begin with by how excited my daughter was for the weekend. She is twelve and I don't really think that spending a weekend with your mom is something that you get excited about at that age. I am thankful though... she is not a typical 12 year old and well, typical is something I have never been.
She couldn't get them out of the house quick enough. Now, I fully expected this to be a weekend of Orlando Bloom movies, as that he decorates her walls and her dad isn't found of Lord of the Rings, and he can only take so much of the Pirates. So I was prepared. But what did she want to watch? The DaVinci Code... yes, my 12 year old. I had already seen it with my husband, there really wasn't anything in the movie that we would object to her seeing, so I put it in.
This lead to a very indepth conversation about God, religion and whether or not I believed the DaVinci Code. Well, to spare you my beliefs and spirituality I asked her what she thought. My children were both baptized catholic, and not at birth. I am not catholic... you can't even call me christian. But I was at a point in my life, where I felt lost. I had walked away from what I had been believing for reasons that I won't go into and decided to try the way most people think you should be... catholic, church, confession and such. I was looking for answers, and I felt it important for my children to have a better basis then I did as a child to start thier journey. Hence they were baptized at 2 and 5.
In the beginning church and prayer was VERY important to my daughter, I am sure that she condemned me to hell every time we missed church. It was very important to her, and I was supportive. On that journey I realized that what I had believe my whole life was actually what I believed and I couldn't buy into organized religion. I tried, I read the Bible, entirely, took classes, I tried... it isn't for me. But I didn't stop going because my daughter was still involved and it was important to her.
That lasted until she was in third fourth grade and the new preacher that came to her school and our church told her, as well as the school, that Muslims were killing Catholics and that they were bad people. My daughter came home in tears, her dad is Muslim, from Pakistan... why would her preacher tell her that. I am thankful that the day she came home upset, her dad was on a business trip and wasn't there. So it lead to a long talk between her and I, and my going to the prinicipal the next day.
I just want to interject that my son was never fond of church and has no desire to go. He is more interested in going to prayer with his dad.
Anyway, after this talk this weekend with my daughter I asked her what she believed. She didn't know, and she didn't know what to do. So I told her to read. Read the Bible, read about Islam, read about Hinduism and such. Read about every religion that she has questions about and figure out what she believes in and why. I will guide her, and her dad told her the same thing this weekend when he came home and she wanted to have the conversation with him. But it had to be her journey, we were only guidepost, and that the best thing for her to do was educate herself. She wants to start with reading the DaVinci Code. I told her that she needed to understand that it was looked at as a book of fiction by most... but if that was were she wanted to start, then she could.
Of course she asked me if I thought it was a book of fiction, and I said this, "The story of the characters are just that, a story, but I believe the basis for it."
The rest of the weekend she did girlie, 12 year old stuff. Shopping... we spent HOURS, yes HOURS in the malls here. We have two very large inside malls here in Dayton, and we went through one, we had to drive to the other. Had it not been cold and rainy I am sure that I would've entertained her at the outside mall called The Greene, whic is my favorite if I have to have one, the hae an amazing bookstore there.
I think she told me how awesome I was about 15 times, which made me laugh. I bought her a book, and Bertie Bots, she is a Harry Potter fan... she is slightly obessed, she shopped for shoes, and movie star sun glasses, she had to have the chocolate dipped strawberries at the chocolate shop. We lived on popcorn and pretzels all weekend, (yes I know), she got hooked on the TV show The Unit, we rented the DVDs because I was missing something and now she is hooked.
But the simple joy I had of getting to know my daughter. We have always had a good relationship and I thought we were close anyway, but rebonding with her this weekend was priceless. She is 12 and I know my time with her where she wants to be with me is limited, and I am not looking forward to the time that she gives me the "Do I Have to.." when I tell her that she and I are together for the weekend again.
I hope it is far away... I hope that she knows how much I love her and how amazing she is to me.
Enjoy your children, get to know them for who they are... not who you think they are.. you might be surprised and what you find.
Friday, April 13, 2007
A Great Way to Make Extra Money
I wanted to send a quick note to everyone reading this blog.
If you didn't blog already, you may want to consider it. Other then writing being a great release, you can make money doing it.
I recommend using a site called blogvertise.com, they can be found at http://www.blogsvertise.com. Not only is it a way to make extra money, but they also help get your blog out there to the world. So for all the links that you have on your site to help generate money, because let's face it that is why you have the ads on your site, this will help get your blog seen by more people. Which means more people see your ads, which means more money.
I recommend using blogvertise, and once you sign up, you should recommend it as well. They more people that we have using this great service the better.
And did I mention it is FREE!
Check it out!
If you didn't blog already, you may want to consider it. Other then writing being a great release, you can make money doing it.
I recommend using a site called blogvertise.com, they can be found at http://www.blogsvertise.com. Not only is it a way to make extra money, but they also help get your blog out there to the world. So for all the links that you have on your site to help generate money, because let's face it that is why you have the ads on your site, this will help get your blog seen by more people. Which means more people see your ads, which means more money.
I recommend using blogvertise, and once you sign up, you should recommend it as well. They more people that we have using this great service the better.
And did I mention it is FREE!
Check it out!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Our Society - What is the Deal?
I was watching the Today Show this morning, as I usually do, and I was bothered by something. I have a problem with our news anchors, our media, our society as a whole.
I am going to tell you why and I ask that you hear me out and listen to what I am saying and why.
America is a wonderful country. We the people have rights and privileges that people in other countries envy. I am proud to be an American citizen, however I am not always proud of America.
My first grip, the big new today is who is the real father of Anna Nicole’s baby Danny Lynn. I am thankful for that child that she will know who here biological father is. I feel sympathetic for the family and all that they have gone through in the last few months, but is it really national news? Should it be?
I look at all the things going on in our nation that could be being reported about and taken care of, yet never are. We would rather spend air time talking about American Idol, Anna Nicole, who is Justin Timberlake dating, is Brittany in rehab? They all have their own lives, let them live them and we really don’t need to know about it. I do hope them all well, but I don’t think it helps any of them if it makes national news.
Ok, now let me turn to the shock jock with the inappropriate racial slurs. First I have to ask, are their appropriate ones? No there isn’t. While I think that yes, we as a nation should be paying attention to this, and people are calling for him to be fired for what he said. He of course is telling people what a wonderful and nice person he is and this was a mistake and he is apologizing for it.
This is what I have to say to him, an apology doesn’t make it go away. Maybe if you were telling people how wrong what you said was, and offer a way to show people that you are truly sorry it would make a difference. I tell my kids, that if you say you are sorry and you truly mean it then you will not repeat the behavior. Correct me if I am wrong, but this is a repeated behavior for this man. Lastly, if you were genuinely a nice person, you wouldn’t have to be proclaiming it all over the place the people would already know that and defend you on that. I have not heard anyone defending him.
I believe it was Matt Lauer interviewing a very intelligent woman about this matter and she made a comment that some are saying that this is just the way society is, and she has a problem with that. So do I. Just because that is the way things are doesn’t mean that it is right. We here in America are a passive society when it comes to taking care of things here at home. We are ready to take on the world and tell them how to live, and fight battles that are not our battles, but we can’t fix what needs to fixed here.
In college, I fought with my professor in one of my law classes over why it was illegal to walk into a crowded building and yell fire, but not illegal to stand outside and throw racial slurs at people starting a riot. His response is Freedom of Speech. My argument, both situations spark fear, anger and violence. The later of the two situations I believe even more intentional then the first. To me they both should be illegal.
We need to remember that Freedom of Speech is a privilege, not a right. Privileges can be taken away, they can be altered, they can be changed and if they are being abused then they need to be re-evaluated. There is a punishment that happens when a privilege is used incorrectly. People need to think before they open their mouth. I preach this to my daughter daily, she is 12 and likes to say things without thinking. I ask her why she said that, and her response is almost always “I don’t know” or “I’m sorry”. My question is “Why?”
Maybe if we all could take a deep breath the next time we start to open our mouth and say something that we actually think before it comes out our society would be a better place.
So hear is my advice, Mr. Shock Jock should be sent to an inner city school and made to volunteer his time to help improve the education of the children there. He should write a letter to the nation and it should printed in every major newspaper about how wrong what he said was, how he abused his right to Freedom of Speech and his position in broadcasting.
We should stop being such a passive society when it comes to injustices here at home. There should be no double standards.
My wish is that for one year, the United States brought all their troops home to protect our borders here. Allow the brave soldiers to protect home from within and be with their families. Let healing begin. I know with all of our troops here, we would be safer and more protected then what we are now with them scattered all over the world.
For that year, I want our borders shut down and I want our government to tell the world that we need to take care of home right now and fix what ails us to make this country the great country that it proclaims itself to be. We can not help anyone else for those 365 days, they world will have to take care of itself. Lead by example not war. Stop telling other countries how to run and treat their people, show them how to do it.
With all the money that would be saved if we did that, we could be out of debt. Our schools could be properly funded and our children’s education would be what it should be, complete. They would have art and music and athletics. All children would be getting the education that they needed.
Go to the homeless shelters and help those people get on their feet by teaching them a trade, or getting them an education and showing them a way out. Don’t give them welfare, don’t make it impossible for them to keep their dignity and pride, help them. Make sure those children in the shelters are getting a good education to break the cycle, don’t make them doomed to be in the same place 30 years from now.
Then when we are on the road to recovery and life here is improving for EVERYONE, look at the world and ask who needs help. Don’t assume that we need to go into every country and fight a war or a battle to make that country run the way we think it should, protecting our interest in what ever that country has to offer us. Because we will have taken care of what should be our greatest concern and national interest, OUR PEOPLE.
I am going to tell you why and I ask that you hear me out and listen to what I am saying and why.
America is a wonderful country. We the people have rights and privileges that people in other countries envy. I am proud to be an American citizen, however I am not always proud of America.
My first grip, the big new today is who is the real father of Anna Nicole’s baby Danny Lynn. I am thankful for that child that she will know who here biological father is. I feel sympathetic for the family and all that they have gone through in the last few months, but is it really national news? Should it be?
I look at all the things going on in our nation that could be being reported about and taken care of, yet never are. We would rather spend air time talking about American Idol, Anna Nicole, who is Justin Timberlake dating, is Brittany in rehab? They all have their own lives, let them live them and we really don’t need to know about it. I do hope them all well, but I don’t think it helps any of them if it makes national news.
Ok, now let me turn to the shock jock with the inappropriate racial slurs. First I have to ask, are their appropriate ones? No there isn’t. While I think that yes, we as a nation should be paying attention to this, and people are calling for him to be fired for what he said. He of course is telling people what a wonderful and nice person he is and this was a mistake and he is apologizing for it.
This is what I have to say to him, an apology doesn’t make it go away. Maybe if you were telling people how wrong what you said was, and offer a way to show people that you are truly sorry it would make a difference. I tell my kids, that if you say you are sorry and you truly mean it then you will not repeat the behavior. Correct me if I am wrong, but this is a repeated behavior for this man. Lastly, if you were genuinely a nice person, you wouldn’t have to be proclaiming it all over the place the people would already know that and defend you on that. I have not heard anyone defending him.
I believe it was Matt Lauer interviewing a very intelligent woman about this matter and she made a comment that some are saying that this is just the way society is, and she has a problem with that. So do I. Just because that is the way things are doesn’t mean that it is right. We here in America are a passive society when it comes to taking care of things here at home. We are ready to take on the world and tell them how to live, and fight battles that are not our battles, but we can’t fix what needs to fixed here.
In college, I fought with my professor in one of my law classes over why it was illegal to walk into a crowded building and yell fire, but not illegal to stand outside and throw racial slurs at people starting a riot. His response is Freedom of Speech. My argument, both situations spark fear, anger and violence. The later of the two situations I believe even more intentional then the first. To me they both should be illegal.
We need to remember that Freedom of Speech is a privilege, not a right. Privileges can be taken away, they can be altered, they can be changed and if they are being abused then they need to be re-evaluated. There is a punishment that happens when a privilege is used incorrectly. People need to think before they open their mouth. I preach this to my daughter daily, she is 12 and likes to say things without thinking. I ask her why she said that, and her response is almost always “I don’t know” or “I’m sorry”. My question is “Why?”
Maybe if we all could take a deep breath the next time we start to open our mouth and say something that we actually think before it comes out our society would be a better place.
So hear is my advice, Mr. Shock Jock should be sent to an inner city school and made to volunteer his time to help improve the education of the children there. He should write a letter to the nation and it should printed in every major newspaper about how wrong what he said was, how he abused his right to Freedom of Speech and his position in broadcasting.
We should stop being such a passive society when it comes to injustices here at home. There should be no double standards.
My wish is that for one year, the United States brought all their troops home to protect our borders here. Allow the brave soldiers to protect home from within and be with their families. Let healing begin. I know with all of our troops here, we would be safer and more protected then what we are now with them scattered all over the world.
For that year, I want our borders shut down and I want our government to tell the world that we need to take care of home right now and fix what ails us to make this country the great country that it proclaims itself to be. We can not help anyone else for those 365 days, they world will have to take care of itself. Lead by example not war. Stop telling other countries how to run and treat their people, show them how to do it.
With all the money that would be saved if we did that, we could be out of debt. Our schools could be properly funded and our children’s education would be what it should be, complete. They would have art and music and athletics. All children would be getting the education that they needed.
Go to the homeless shelters and help those people get on their feet by teaching them a trade, or getting them an education and showing them a way out. Don’t give them welfare, don’t make it impossible for them to keep their dignity and pride, help them. Make sure those children in the shelters are getting a good education to break the cycle, don’t make them doomed to be in the same place 30 years from now.
Then when we are on the road to recovery and life here is improving for EVERYONE, look at the world and ask who needs help. Don’t assume that we need to go into every country and fight a war or a battle to make that country run the way we think it should, protecting our interest in what ever that country has to offer us. Because we will have taken care of what should be our greatest concern and national interest, OUR PEOPLE.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
My Mom
I thought it only appropriate to write about my mom. Because, I would also not be who I am today if it was not for her as well.
My mom ended up pregnant with me at a very young age. She and my father were 16, and they had me when they were 17. My mom coming from a very different family life then what my dad had growing up, becoming a pregnant teenager was not looked upon with loving eyes. She had the opportunity to give me up for adoption or to get an abortion, and she chose to have me instead. Her and my dad got married young and had me young. I have been told repeatedly through my life that the standing joke in the family was to see who was going to grow up first, me or my parents. For fairness sake, we grew up together.
My parents did not have a great marriage. My father was abusive and an alcoholic and enjoyed having affairs with the girls that worked for him at the various jobs he had. My mom worked, did what she could, trying to meet his demands and lived in fear. She wanted to leave, but when I was a baby he had held me by the throat over the toilet and told her that if she ever left him he would kill me. So she stayed and endured what he did to her for the sake of me, and then my siblings.
I remember us leaving him in the middle of the night fleeing to my grandparents for safety. I remember my grandparents rallying to protect us all and us going back. I remember her pain, and trips to the ER for broken bones, deeps cuts and my father screaming that she deserved what she got. She stayed to protect us, because it was safer. The old adage keep your friends close and your enemies closer I decided was what she lived by.
Growing up watching her, she taught me strength and courage. She taught me to stand up and take what ever it was life was throwing at me no matter what. She taught me that nothing in this world is more important then my children and that sacrificing myself to save them was not just what parents were suppose to do, but what my mom did. Selflessness…Determination…. Unconditional love…
My mom still til this day doesn’t realize just how strong she really is and how much she has taught me. And there are times that I wonder if my siblings are aware of what she taught them, if they way they remember our father is the same fragmented eyes that they look at our mom through.
I am grateful for my mom, and I appreciate all that she has done for me and I wish there was a way for me to even begin to repay her for just a fraction of her sacrifice.
I love you mom, and I thank you for model of what strength it takes to be a mom and a woman.
My mom ended up pregnant with me at a very young age. She and my father were 16, and they had me when they were 17. My mom coming from a very different family life then what my dad had growing up, becoming a pregnant teenager was not looked upon with loving eyes. She had the opportunity to give me up for adoption or to get an abortion, and she chose to have me instead. Her and my dad got married young and had me young. I have been told repeatedly through my life that the standing joke in the family was to see who was going to grow up first, me or my parents. For fairness sake, we grew up together.
My parents did not have a great marriage. My father was abusive and an alcoholic and enjoyed having affairs with the girls that worked for him at the various jobs he had. My mom worked, did what she could, trying to meet his demands and lived in fear. She wanted to leave, but when I was a baby he had held me by the throat over the toilet and told her that if she ever left him he would kill me. So she stayed and endured what he did to her for the sake of me, and then my siblings.
I remember us leaving him in the middle of the night fleeing to my grandparents for safety. I remember my grandparents rallying to protect us all and us going back. I remember her pain, and trips to the ER for broken bones, deeps cuts and my father screaming that she deserved what she got. She stayed to protect us, because it was safer. The old adage keep your friends close and your enemies closer I decided was what she lived by.
Growing up watching her, she taught me strength and courage. She taught me to stand up and take what ever it was life was throwing at me no matter what. She taught me that nothing in this world is more important then my children and that sacrificing myself to save them was not just what parents were suppose to do, but what my mom did. Selflessness…Determination…. Unconditional love…
My mom still til this day doesn’t realize just how strong she really is and how much she has taught me. And there are times that I wonder if my siblings are aware of what she taught them, if they way they remember our father is the same fragmented eyes that they look at our mom through.
I am grateful for my mom, and I appreciate all that she has done for me and I wish there was a way for me to even begin to repay her for just a fraction of her sacrifice.
I love you mom, and I thank you for model of what strength it takes to be a mom and a woman.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Another reason for Prepaid Legal
I am again on my bandwagon for PrePaid Legal simply because I feel that it is important. If for no other reason then to get your affairs in order before it is to late. I have two stories to share with you on this matter, one personal and one from an associate.
The first story is about my dad.
He was taken before his time, and he was taken leaving things in utter disarray. He had a girlfriend, and ex wife, and estranged wife and us three children. As I stated in another entry, I fought for his funeral, in which I honored his wishes according to what he had told us our entire childhood. His girlfriend wanted to go against those wishes because she stated that he no longer believed that way and he should be buried. The estranged wife objected to anything above the bare minium because she hated him and was responsible for paying for the funeral as that they never legally divorced eachother. Niether of them wanting to pay for it. He had a pention, and life insurance and three kids that according to his divorce from our mother should been the beneficiaries, however the estranger wife that had not seen him in over two years and was glad that he was dead ended up with everything. He owed my mom over $36K in back child support for my two younger siblings.
Had he had a will prepared, everything could have been addressed as he wanted it to be, instead the state decided what was going to happen, and then my mom fought for atleast part of what was owed in back child support. The estranged wife will recieve money for the rest of her life because of his death and there being no will, and the girlfriend kept all of his belongings. It was a mess. I BEG of you to NOT do this to your family. Make sure that your wishes and wants are heard and followed. Have a will prepared, have your advance directives taken care of.
My associates story:
The importance of a will
John Denver went out for a routine plane ride when the unexpected
happened. He crashed into the bay and died. What was he thinking?
Probably not about the fact that he had left three children and no will,
with no directive about the disposition of his $20 million estate.
Jackie O. on the other hand, left an explicit will detailing the handling of
her $200 million estate including specific bequests to her children, gifts
for her friends, and 36 pages of directives on the distribution of her
property including her Fifth Avenue apartment in New York City and an
autographed copy (signed by Robert Frost) of JFK's inaugural address.
While you may not have $200 million (yet!), it is important that you take
control of your legacy and write a will.
Seven out of 10 Americans die "intestate," meaning without a will. In fact, each state has its own rules regarding the distribution of property as well as laws that dictate what
constitutes the elements of a valid will. Just like any other area of
financial planning, knowing the basics can go a long way. Unfortunately,
most of us don't like to think about writing a will, but the best way to
provide for your heirs is to do proper planning in life, while you can!
What's a will?
A will is a document that transfers your property at your death to
designated persons. It is revocable, which means that it is subject to
change until your death. It becomes effective only upon your death. The
goal of your will is to distribute your property to whom you wish, like your
diamond engagement ring to your favorite daughter-in-law or your coin
collection to your grandson. A will also provides for your assets to be
managed or for the care of your children by naming guardians for them.
You -- the "testator" if you are a man, or "testatrix" if you are a woman --
are the main player in writing your will. You must be of sound mind and
of majority age in your state. You must declare it to be your "last will and
testament." It must be in writing and signed by you, and two witnesses.
It should be revised when you have a change in your family situation like
a birth or a divorce, or when there is a change in the tax law. It is
essential to name a personal representative, who is known as an
"executor" or "executrix."
"The executor is charged with a fiduciary duty to carry out the terms and
conditions of the testator's will as well as settle all debts. The role is
shaped by the size and complexity of the estate," says Judd Kleeger, an
attorney in New York City. Being an executor or executrix is a job which
requires competency and some financial knowledge. Upon the death of
the testator, the executor will have to take an inventory of and collect
assets, pay debts and taxes, and manage assets.
"An executor of a large and complex estate will have much to do.
However, they will be rewarded handsomely by receiving a fee, generally
a percentage of the estate's value," Kleeger says.
Related tax issues
There are several tax issues that you should be aware of when preparing
your will. Our government imposes an estate tax from 18 percent to as
high as 55 percent! Yes, 55 percent -- that is more than half of your
accumulated estate upon your death. Fortunately, we are all entitled to a
credit against this tax. In 1998, the "applicable credit amount" was
$625,000 increasing annually until it reaches $1,000,000 in 2006.
For estates larger than the applicable credit amount, there are several
strategies that can be employed inside a will to take advantage of this
credit -- because if you don't use it, you lose it. For example, a provision
can be made in both spouses wills for "Credit Shelter Trusts." This way,
the decedent's estate shelters their credit in a trust. This trust is one to
which the surviving spouse has the right to income but which will be out
of their estate, and upon their death, would not be taxed with their
remaining assets. Trusts are prepared at a 25% discount through the
Pre-Paid Legal family plan.
"With all of the recent tax law changes regarding gifts and estates made
by the Taxpayer Relief Act of 1997 and the IRS Restructuring and Reform
Act 1998, effective tax planning by a tax practitioner can save taxes both
during life and for your heirs," says Alan Levine, a tax attorney in New
York City.
Remember, your will is your last word. Don't let someone else, like your
state or the federal government, utter it for you! You can either pay a
high dollar estate planning attorney to prepare your will or you can get
one at NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE through your Pre-Paid Legal
Membership! The value of the Will alone will pay for your family
membership for years! Don’t procrastinate! Get your will prepared
TODAY!
The will alone is worth the membership fee!
www.prepaidlegal.com/hub/jennifercassady
The first story is about my dad.
He was taken before his time, and he was taken leaving things in utter disarray. He had a girlfriend, and ex wife, and estranged wife and us three children. As I stated in another entry, I fought for his funeral, in which I honored his wishes according to what he had told us our entire childhood. His girlfriend wanted to go against those wishes because she stated that he no longer believed that way and he should be buried. The estranged wife objected to anything above the bare minium because she hated him and was responsible for paying for the funeral as that they never legally divorced eachother. Niether of them wanting to pay for it. He had a pention, and life insurance and three kids that according to his divorce from our mother should been the beneficiaries, however the estranger wife that had not seen him in over two years and was glad that he was dead ended up with everything. He owed my mom over $36K in back child support for my two younger siblings.
Had he had a will prepared, everything could have been addressed as he wanted it to be, instead the state decided what was going to happen, and then my mom fought for atleast part of what was owed in back child support. The estranged wife will recieve money for the rest of her life because of his death and there being no will, and the girlfriend kept all of his belongings. It was a mess. I BEG of you to NOT do this to your family. Make sure that your wishes and wants are heard and followed. Have a will prepared, have your advance directives taken care of.
My associates story:
The importance of a will
John Denver went out for a routine plane ride when the unexpected
happened. He crashed into the bay and died. What was he thinking?
Probably not about the fact that he had left three children and no will,
with no directive about the disposition of his $20 million estate.
Jackie O. on the other hand, left an explicit will detailing the handling of
her $200 million estate including specific bequests to her children, gifts
for her friends, and 36 pages of directives on the distribution of her
property including her Fifth Avenue apartment in New York City and an
autographed copy (signed by Robert Frost) of JFK's inaugural address.
While you may not have $200 million (yet!), it is important that you take
control of your legacy and write a will.
Seven out of 10 Americans die "intestate," meaning without a will. In fact, each state has its own rules regarding the distribution of property as well as laws that dictate what
constitutes the elements of a valid will. Just like any other area of
financial planning, knowing the basics can go a long way. Unfortunately,
most of us don't like to think about writing a will, but the best way to
provide for your heirs is to do proper planning in life, while you can!
What's a will?
A will is a document that transfers your property at your death to
designated persons. It is revocable, which means that it is subject to
change until your death. It becomes effective only upon your death. The
goal of your will is to distribute your property to whom you wish, like your
diamond engagement ring to your favorite daughter-in-law or your coin
collection to your grandson. A will also provides for your assets to be
managed or for the care of your children by naming guardians for them.
You -- the "testator" if you are a man, or "testatrix" if you are a woman --
are the main player in writing your will. You must be of sound mind and
of majority age in your state. You must declare it to be your "last will and
testament." It must be in writing and signed by you, and two witnesses.
It should be revised when you have a change in your family situation like
a birth or a divorce, or when there is a change in the tax law. It is
essential to name a personal representative, who is known as an
"executor" or "executrix."
"The executor is charged with a fiduciary duty to carry out the terms and
conditions of the testator's will as well as settle all debts. The role is
shaped by the size and complexity of the estate," says Judd Kleeger, an
attorney in New York City. Being an executor or executrix is a job which
requires competency and some financial knowledge. Upon the death of
the testator, the executor will have to take an inventory of and collect
assets, pay debts and taxes, and manage assets.
"An executor of a large and complex estate will have much to do.
However, they will be rewarded handsomely by receiving a fee, generally
a percentage of the estate's value," Kleeger says.
Related tax issues
There are several tax issues that you should be aware of when preparing
your will. Our government imposes an estate tax from 18 percent to as
high as 55 percent! Yes, 55 percent -- that is more than half of your
accumulated estate upon your death. Fortunately, we are all entitled to a
credit against this tax. In 1998, the "applicable credit amount" was
$625,000 increasing annually until it reaches $1,000,000 in 2006.
For estates larger than the applicable credit amount, there are several
strategies that can be employed inside a will to take advantage of this
credit -- because if you don't use it, you lose it. For example, a provision
can be made in both spouses wills for "Credit Shelter Trusts." This way,
the decedent's estate shelters their credit in a trust. This trust is one to
which the surviving spouse has the right to income but which will be out
of their estate, and upon their death, would not be taxed with their
remaining assets. Trusts are prepared at a 25% discount through the
Pre-Paid Legal family plan.
"With all of the recent tax law changes regarding gifts and estates made
by the Taxpayer Relief Act of 1997 and the IRS Restructuring and Reform
Act 1998, effective tax planning by a tax practitioner can save taxes both
during life and for your heirs," says Alan Levine, a tax attorney in New
York City.
Remember, your will is your last word. Don't let someone else, like your
state or the federal government, utter it for you! You can either pay a
high dollar estate planning attorney to prepare your will or you can get
one at NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE through your Pre-Paid Legal
Membership! The value of the Will alone will pay for your family
membership for years! Don’t procrastinate! Get your will prepared
TODAY!
The will alone is worth the membership fee!
www.prepaidlegal.com/hub/jennifercassady
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Reflection on my dad
There was no other man in the world like my dad. He was what he was, evil to some and wonderful to others... and not neccessarily either one of those things to the right people.
He was the dad that all my friends wanted, and at times I didn't. As I sit back and look at it, it was probably an equal split of the time whether I wanted him as my dad or not. He wasn't perfect, but he had moments of perfection... and some of the hardest things he ever said or did to me or my sister and brother and my mom, my mom especially are what has made me the woman I am today... and I am thankful.
I will tell you now that depending on who you talk to in the family, it will give you a different picture of him. And not that any one picture is right or wrong, but who he was to that person, and it is important to remember that each picture is a piece of the whole, that he wasn't any one of those versions without the next or previous version. I choose to remember him as the whole, because to me only remember the parts that I want to remember is cheating. It may make easier to sleep at night, but it is cheating.
When I tell my kids about him, I tell them the good and the bad, the perfection and the utter evilness. I want them to know and understand who people are for what they are, not what they want them to be, and that goes for the ones that are dead and gone and the ones that they have yet to meet. I make the mistake all to often of only wanting to believe the good in people, it isn't that I don't know the bad parts of them, but I am always hoping that good prevails over evil... I have to say that good has not won many battles, but it has won the important ones.
Back to my dad... it took 6 months of intense therapy for me to be able to talk about him and not feel responsible for him. In those 6 months despite the pleadings and arguments of my therapist, I dissected him into three parts. My dad, my father and Jim.
I preface this with the explanantion that any man can be a father, it only takes sperm donation, it a real man to be a dad and to be a dad you don't have to have had a part in the conception.
For me, the only way to deal with my life with my dad was to look at him completely and seperately. When he was my dad, he was perfection. We hiked in the woods, made bark boats, played GI Joes in our made up world... we had snow ball fights, we worked on yards and roofs together. He was awesome, he looked at the world differently then my friends parents, not always the right way, but his way. He taught my to tell time and do multiplication tables before I went to kindergarten. We listened to music together, he taught me to box and throw knives. We would find the perfect staff for ourselves on our hikes. We played Monopoly on Friday nights drinking Coke and eating O'Grady's potatoe chips. He was charming and good looking and he had a laugh that was infectious. You wanted him to notice you, you wanted to be around him.
When he was my father, he was more distant, more mean. He told my sister and I that no man would ever want a fat woman, and would not talk to us through puberty until we lost the weight. He drank, he had a short temper he was abusive but not evil.
When he was Jim, he was someone that I didn't even want to know. Nothing was ever his fault, the world was out to get him and he was evil. He sent my mom to the hospital on numerous occassion... I called the police to come arrest him for beating her and pretended to be asleep when he stormed up the stairs to come after to me, so that he wouldn't know for sure that I had called them. He cheated on my mom, repeatedly, lost all thier money, took me with him to buy his girlfriend a gold necklace.
There were nights I would lay in bed a pray that he would fall off the roof at one of the job sites the next day so that we didn't have to live in fear anymore. He made me feel responsible for everything. It was my fault they got married and it was my fault that they got a divorce.
I remember at 25 crying because I couldn't understand why my own father wouldn't want to be a part of my life. It was never about anyone but him.
But I have to tell you, that I wouldn't go back and ask for a different person to be my dad or my father. I wouldn't be who I am if I did.
Whether he knew it or not, whether it was his intention or not, he made me strong willed and unrelenting. I believe that I am able to step abck and look at things for what they are and not what I want them to be. I am not going to argue with family members over who is was or wasn't, he was everything that anyone said about him. It's the truth, people want to remember the good in him, for some people there was no good about him.
Do I miss him.... yes... I should tell you that about 5 years ago he was hit and killed by a car. He had been drinking all day, it was pouring in rain at 11pm and he chose, yes chose, to walk out in front of a car and end it all. He forever changed the life of the poor 19 year old kid that hit him on his way home from work. But after not seeing him for 5 years, it was me fighting for his funeral and asking all those that attended that if that couldn't get up and play "Let's Remember" and be nice then I asked that they not get up and say anything at all. Outside of my siblings and myself only two other people spoke. And you could tell that the over all feeling in the room was not one of sadness or lost, but of relief.
Would I have him back? No. If he was back and lived around the corner from me I wouldn't make another attempt to have him in my life. While I would want to believe that he would never hurt my kids... I know who and what he was... and that is a gamble that I would not want to loose. And a person would be foolish to think otherwise.
I loved him, I don't believe no matter what anyone has said that he loved me though. He might of whenI was little, but not much after that. I was his way in, a way back... because he knew I was always going to give him another chance.
Do I wish my children knew him... I wish that they could've known a part of him... when he was my dad... that part of him would've made an awesome grandfather... but again, you can't take a part with out the whole. So I tell them about him, and sometimes it makes me cry and sometimes it makes me mad... and sometimes it just is an is...
I thank him though, for teaching me to have an open mind and a free spirit, to make my own way and that sometimes, there are times, when all you have to depend on is yourself.
His life wasn't easy, I know that, and he didn't think our life should be easy either, so he didn't let...We knew when he was disappointed, and I knew when to stay away...and to stand in the way...
Well... that is enough for today...
He was the dad that all my friends wanted, and at times I didn't. As I sit back and look at it, it was probably an equal split of the time whether I wanted him as my dad or not. He wasn't perfect, but he had moments of perfection... and some of the hardest things he ever said or did to me or my sister and brother and my mom, my mom especially are what has made me the woman I am today... and I am thankful.
I will tell you now that depending on who you talk to in the family, it will give you a different picture of him. And not that any one picture is right or wrong, but who he was to that person, and it is important to remember that each picture is a piece of the whole, that he wasn't any one of those versions without the next or previous version. I choose to remember him as the whole, because to me only remember the parts that I want to remember is cheating. It may make easier to sleep at night, but it is cheating.
When I tell my kids about him, I tell them the good and the bad, the perfection and the utter evilness. I want them to know and understand who people are for what they are, not what they want them to be, and that goes for the ones that are dead and gone and the ones that they have yet to meet. I make the mistake all to often of only wanting to believe the good in people, it isn't that I don't know the bad parts of them, but I am always hoping that good prevails over evil... I have to say that good has not won many battles, but it has won the important ones.
Back to my dad... it took 6 months of intense therapy for me to be able to talk about him and not feel responsible for him. In those 6 months despite the pleadings and arguments of my therapist, I dissected him into three parts. My dad, my father and Jim.
I preface this with the explanantion that any man can be a father, it only takes sperm donation, it a real man to be a dad and to be a dad you don't have to have had a part in the conception.
For me, the only way to deal with my life with my dad was to look at him completely and seperately. When he was my dad, he was perfection. We hiked in the woods, made bark boats, played GI Joes in our made up world... we had snow ball fights, we worked on yards and roofs together. He was awesome, he looked at the world differently then my friends parents, not always the right way, but his way. He taught my to tell time and do multiplication tables before I went to kindergarten. We listened to music together, he taught me to box and throw knives. We would find the perfect staff for ourselves on our hikes. We played Monopoly on Friday nights drinking Coke and eating O'Grady's potatoe chips. He was charming and good looking and he had a laugh that was infectious. You wanted him to notice you, you wanted to be around him.
When he was my father, he was more distant, more mean. He told my sister and I that no man would ever want a fat woman, and would not talk to us through puberty until we lost the weight. He drank, he had a short temper he was abusive but not evil.
When he was Jim, he was someone that I didn't even want to know. Nothing was ever his fault, the world was out to get him and he was evil. He sent my mom to the hospital on numerous occassion... I called the police to come arrest him for beating her and pretended to be asleep when he stormed up the stairs to come after to me, so that he wouldn't know for sure that I had called them. He cheated on my mom, repeatedly, lost all thier money, took me with him to buy his girlfriend a gold necklace.
There were nights I would lay in bed a pray that he would fall off the roof at one of the job sites the next day so that we didn't have to live in fear anymore. He made me feel responsible for everything. It was my fault they got married and it was my fault that they got a divorce.
I remember at 25 crying because I couldn't understand why my own father wouldn't want to be a part of my life. It was never about anyone but him.
But I have to tell you, that I wouldn't go back and ask for a different person to be my dad or my father. I wouldn't be who I am if I did.
Whether he knew it or not, whether it was his intention or not, he made me strong willed and unrelenting. I believe that I am able to step abck and look at things for what they are and not what I want them to be. I am not going to argue with family members over who is was or wasn't, he was everything that anyone said about him. It's the truth, people want to remember the good in him, for some people there was no good about him.
Do I miss him.... yes... I should tell you that about 5 years ago he was hit and killed by a car. He had been drinking all day, it was pouring in rain at 11pm and he chose, yes chose, to walk out in front of a car and end it all. He forever changed the life of the poor 19 year old kid that hit him on his way home from work. But after not seeing him for 5 years, it was me fighting for his funeral and asking all those that attended that if that couldn't get up and play "Let's Remember" and be nice then I asked that they not get up and say anything at all. Outside of my siblings and myself only two other people spoke. And you could tell that the over all feeling in the room was not one of sadness or lost, but of relief.
Would I have him back? No. If he was back and lived around the corner from me I wouldn't make another attempt to have him in my life. While I would want to believe that he would never hurt my kids... I know who and what he was... and that is a gamble that I would not want to loose. And a person would be foolish to think otherwise.
I loved him, I don't believe no matter what anyone has said that he loved me though. He might of whenI was little, but not much after that. I was his way in, a way back... because he knew I was always going to give him another chance.
Do I wish my children knew him... I wish that they could've known a part of him... when he was my dad... that part of him would've made an awesome grandfather... but again, you can't take a part with out the whole. So I tell them about him, and sometimes it makes me cry and sometimes it makes me mad... and sometimes it just is an is...
I thank him though, for teaching me to have an open mind and a free spirit, to make my own way and that sometimes, there are times, when all you have to depend on is yourself.
His life wasn't easy, I know that, and he didn't think our life should be easy either, so he didn't let...We knew when he was disappointed, and I knew when to stay away...and to stand in the way...
Well... that is enough for today...
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